If It’s Not Making You Feel Good Anymore, It’s Okay To Walk Away

Posted September 17, 2022 by Prairie Wife -

“If it’s not making you feel good anymore, it’s okay to walk away.”

It sounds easy enough, right?

Simply leave if something in your life is no longer making you feel good.

But we all know it’s a lot more complicated than that.

One bad day, week, or month in your marriage is likely NOT reason enough to walk away.

NOTE: Physical abuse is NEVER okay, even if it is “only” once.

Marriages are built or broken little by little, and the decision to leave should not be taken lightly.

A rough patch in a friendship lasting a few weeks isn’t a reason to ghost them and start posting passive-aggressive quotes on Facebook.

A hard season at work isn’t necessarily a reason to walk away from a career you’ve worked on for over a decade.

Struggling in week two of a new workout routine or hating your healthy eating plan after three days doesn’t mean you should give up!

So, how do you decide when it IS the right time to walk away?

Well, that’s the hard part, isn’t it?

And sadly, there is absolutely NO easy answer.

But there are a few questions that I’ve found you can ask yourself to help you decide if now is the time to walk away.

LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE

Around here, we have the 75/25 rule.

75% of the time, what you’re doing should make you happy or go smoothly. And 25% of the time, you can expect that things will be hard.

Example: Owning your own business. 75% of the time, it’s good, even amazingly joy-filled and rewarding. 25% of the time, it’s hard as hell and brutal to figure out what to do. Sometimes that 25% is a moment within one day, and sometimes it’s a stage like an unexpected time of transition. But overall, if you pull back and look at the big picture of owning your own business, it should be 75% good.

So what happens if you pull back and look at the big picture (the last three months of your life, or even the last year) and realize that only 25% of the time, you’re happy or feeling good?

It’s time to ask yourself some questions.

Is this just something you need to just get through right now, or is it forever?
What can YOU change that will make a difference?
- Be honest. Have you been consistently doing things that will help your situation to improve?
Have you asked for help?
Are you letting other people’s opinions impact how you feel?

WHAT’S THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN?

This is a trick I learned from The Cowboy, who, in our 20-plus years together, has watched me overanalyze and stress over making decisions more times than I can count.

NOTE: I get that this can be a risky question to ask…after all, any time you google a medical issue, it will always lead to brain cancer and a death diagnosis. So be realistic with your answers, and don’t get caught in an unrealistic anxiety spiral.

Example: Trying to decide if it’s time to move your children to a new school. What’s the worst that can happen? You move your kids to a new school, and after one semester in, you realize it isn’t a good fit….and have them return to where they were before. All of you are now confident in your decision and won’t be left with what-ifs.

It’s time to ask yourself some questions.

What’s the worst that could happen?
- Will this decision result in extreme poverty?
- Is my long-term mental health and my family’s mental health at risk?
- Is this decision irreversible?
Make a list of your realistic fears about what will happen after this decision is made.
- Now see what the solutions would be IF those things happen.
  - Often it’s 100% manageable to deal with the worst-case scenarios

HOW IS MY CURRENT SITUATION MAKING ME FEEL?

How are you feeling? Not in the moment, but overall how is your emotional state impacted by what you’re doing?

Example: You have a good friend you LOVE to spend time with, but lately, it hasn’t been the same. You feel snubbed and used, like you only hang out when they need something from you. You’ve heard from other people that they’re saying hurtful things about you, and you analyze every text and response (or lack of response) multiple times. Time with them in person when it happens is a joy, but it’s rare and often leaves you feeling worse.

It’s time to ask yourself some questions.

Is your mental health at risk because of how you feel in this situation?
What are three words you would use to describe how you feel about this situation? Are they positive or negative emotions?
- From the example above: Nervous, Doubtful, Insecure
Do you let other people’s opinions change your feelings about the situation?
Are you hanging on because of a sense of obligation or fear of change?
Have you sought out professional help or support?

So now what?

If you’ve gone through the questions above (whether you took time to write things out or just skimmed and did the work mentally), it’s likely that you KNOW if it’s time to walk away or stay.

I always like to take time to sleep on my decision after I’ve made it.

If I wake up feeling good about my choice, it’s the right one.

Of course, we all know that just because you decide to move from your hometown to that beach home of your dreams doesn’t mean the changes can all be made that day!

Deciding to walk away is the easiest part.

Learning what you want to walk toward or figuring out how to stay headed in the right direction takes planning, focus, and determination!

But it’s worth it to create a life you love.

#GritandGrace