Marriages Are Built Or Broken…Little By Little

Posted November 19, 2019 by Prairie Wife - 10 comments

The Cowboy and I have been married for over 15 years.

And while I DO write about our marriage on the blog I keep it to a minimum.

This is at the request of The Cowboy, and one of the things that we agreed upon when I began blogging 6 years ago. It was important to him that we keep this part of our life private. And I respect that.

But today I’m breaking that rule.

This year I went back to work. Not a work from home job, like I had been doing previously.

An honest to goodness part-time job that has set times I need to be at work, meetings, and events in the evening that I have to attend. While I definitely still have a lot of fluidity and flexibility, we knew when I said YES to this adventure that things were going to change.

After all, for the last 11 years, I’ve been a SAHM. Handling almost anything and everything to do with our home and our kids.

It’s not that The Cowboy didn’t help when he was home, or take care of the Cowkids so I could get a break…but let’s get real I did almost all of it.

And that was fine, it was good, it was OK. And while every moment wasn’t heaven I totally loved my time as a stay at home mom.

But, this year that has changed. The Cowkids and The Cowboy have had to step up and help out around here in ways they’ve never had to before.

As I came home from a charity event this Saturday (after an all-day wrestling tournament) I was greeted by a tired but happy husband lounging on the couch. The Cowkids had been fed, dinner was put away and dishes were running in the dishwasher.

I was filled with gratitude and love and was able to enjoy the rest of the night with my family.

It was a little thing, to come home to happy kids and no mess in the kitchen but it meant a lot.

Likewise, The Cowboy knew that when he came home from work last night his laundry would be clean and put away, all the Cowkids homework would be done, and dinner would be ready.

It’s the little things that add up to show big love.

Is it always like this?

Absolutely not.

There have been times when I spent almost an hour cleaning up a mess after he had made breakfast. Or what about when I asked him for three weeks straight to please hang back up our mirror that fell?

He has come home from a long day of work to a cranky stinky grouchy wife that snapped and fussed and fed him mac and cheese out of a box for dinner daring him with a sharp look to say anything.

It’s the little things that add up to create big hurt.

There have been times when we shared our pains and our hurt and held each other while we cried. A soft pat on the leg when a homily hits close to home, a kiss on the lips on the way out the door.

It’s the little things that add up to show big love.

Holding back the truths, hiding the weaknesses, ignoring the texts and calls. Putting friends first and focusing on all the things not being done.

It’s the little things that add up to create big hurt.

There have been times when waking up and choosing our marriage has taken every bit of energy I have in my soul.

And while I can’t speak for The Cowboy, I’d be willing to bet he could say the same.

There have been weeks and months where I have actively hour by hour, day by day, made the choice to give grace and forgiveness when all I want to do is rage and hurt.

There have been moments of pure joy, memories wrapped in a halo of love and light and purpose.

Erin Potter Photography

Days and weeks, months and even years of ease and happiness, dreams come true and blessings to many to count.

It’s the little things.

Marriages are built or broken…choice by choice, moment by moment, bit by bit, little by little.

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10 thoughts on "Marriages Are Built Or Broken…Little By Little"

  1. Mary says:

    Well said! We have been married for almost 32 years, and making a marriage work is a decision you & your spouse make.

    1. Prairie Wife says:

      Thank you Mary and congratulations on your 30 plus years of marriage what an amazing example to us all!

      1. Casper Wife says:

        Your are so right, it’s the little things….that can add up and cause hurt, and that can mean a lot and warm your heart. I love the little unexpected things my husband will do for me once in a while more than any materialistic gift. The longer we are married the less we expect from each other but those little things mean a lot. I hate how we always seem to remember the things that hurt us, I regret saying some things I did very much. Exhaustion, raising a family, jobs, etc can make us snippy. Be sure to take care of YOU as much as you can because your health will suffer if you don’t. I speak from experience and wish I would have done things a little differently. But I thank God for every good day I have and I am grateful I have a husband who still loves me. It doesn’t get better than that.

        Married 42 years……the little things are the glue that hold a marriage together. ❤️❤️❤️

  2. Erica says:

    I so appreciate you as friend. I need women like you in my life because, while I’m taking accountability, I did not grow up with examples of Godly wives around me. (On my 3rd marriage!) God has placed women like you around me to speak truth. Thank you!

  3. Bennie says:

    What a nice blog. I’m not married but my parents have been married for 62 years so I have great role models. I have other role models within my family too who have great relationships. I’m sure they would all agree with your thoughts in this blog too. Congratulations to your marriage and family.

  4. Genia says:

    After 20 plus years I agree completely! It’s all the little things and putting in the work and enjoying the rewards and little moments! I adore my husband and we have worked hard to keep things growing to this day!

    1. Prairie Wife says:

      COngratulations on 20 years!

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