Mama Mantra: This Is Hard
Posted November 16, 2018 by Prairie Wife - 6 comments
I’m sitting here typing this as my 10-year-old daughter is in an operating room.
It’s her 6th surgery (give or take) so you’d think I’d be a pro by now.
And to a certain extent, I am.
The paperwork and pre and post-operation instructions are no biggie.
I know exactly what to pack to keep them occupied for the hour or so of wait time before surgery actually begins.
I am no stranger to a fridge stocked with popsicles and vitamin water, allowing for days and days of watching TV and bored kiddos.
Yet I find myself silently and internally panicking every time.
This is hard.
Now that Cowgirl G is older it’s actually gotten a bit harder.
She knows what it’s like to wake up sore,
She’s familiar with how hard it is to lay low and keep still for weeks at a time even though she feels fine.
So, she tends to spend the day before surgery off and on crying. Today I drove 20 miles one-handed while I reached backwards and held her hand as she cried.
I totally get it. I’m over these surgeries too. I explained to her that this was hopefully the last one. That we were doing the best we could and we needed to try this so she could finally hear correctly.
This morning her little brother had the same surgery. And he was totally nonchalant and chill, which is his nature.
Yet I was holding back tears as he left with his father because you can’t help but worry what if…
And even though I knew my husband could handle it, and that Cowboy W has asked for him to be the one to take him, I still really really wanted to be there. As if my mere presence would ensure that everything would be OK.
This is hard.
If you watched my LIVE Facebook video a few weeks ago you know that I am using these experiences to become more compassionate, to learn to have faith.
And if I’m being honest this isn’t the only hard mom thing right now.
My normally 120% perfect oldest has been a little punk and was truly grounded for the FIRST TIME EVER on Halloween.
And then got in BIG trouble the next week too.
And just so he won’t be left out Cowboy C is being a little terrorist towards his siblings whenever he can.
Not to be outdone LittleMissH has decided to revert back to the kicking screaming tantrum stage. Just this morning she kicked my head in the car and tried to choke me with my seatbelt. Go ahead and laugh, I can now too.
This is hard.
The point of this post is not to beat into you how terrible and miserable being a mom is.
I just wanted to let you know that while I truly, deeply, and with every fiber of my being LOVE being a mom…I acknowledge that sometimes it’s just so darn hard.
Feelings of helplessness and thoughts like IS this going to be OK?!
Am I doing this right, will this stage EVER END?!
I hear you mamas, and yes this is hard.
Yet you know, yes you know, that it is worth it.
Sometimes when I’m feeling overwhelmed I read this post, and it calms me and reminds me that even though I am no longer in the exhausted mom with 5 kids under the age of 10 stage…I still need assurance that I’m doing this right.
I’ll leave you with the two thoughts that help me make it through times like this.
This is just right now, this is not forever.
God chose me to be the mother of these children because He KNEW that I would help lead them along the path He has chosen for them.
One last bonus thought I often turn to, whatever is terrible now will make a great blog post later 😉
Hang in there mamas, yes this is hard, but I’m right here cheering you on.
You’ve got this.
PS Feel free to apply this to dads too xoxo