Taking It Slow
Posted October 18, 2019 by Prairie Wife - 4 comments
I suck at taking it slow.
This won’t be a surprise to any of you that have spent any kind of time with me.
Whether you know me in “the real world” or through this blog or social media it’s pretty obvious that I like to keep busy.
It’s not that I can’t be still.
I excel at curling up with a good book and reading for hours.
Covering up with a blanket and sipping a hot cup of tea and watching Netflix for an entire day is one of my favorite things EVER.
What I struggle at is forced stillness.
The kind that comes from illness or injury.
Not a stillness I choose or actively look forward to, but rest forced upon me by life circumstances.
It was one of my hardest struggles when I had my Preventive Mastectomy.
Having to be still for weeks on end.
If you follow us on Instagram you may have noticed that I mentioned wearing an ankle brace.
I went for a hike and sprained my ankle.
Well, at least I think that’s what happened.
I haven’t actually gone to a doctor…but I know that I had a stabbing pain in my left ankle that took me to the ground and then as I hiked 2 miles back to my car I turned my ankle two more times.
It was swollen and bruised and for the entire week, I stayed as still as I could.
I didn’t meet my step count once.
And then I got to feeling a bit stir crazy.
So I went on a slow and leisurely two and a half-mile walk.
Oh goodness did it feel great.
The result was more swelling but not more pain, so that’s kind of OK right?
The fact is, unless you touch my ankle or I try and point my toe (which when do you really need to do that anyway) my ankle feels totally fine.
It’s the swelling, not the pain that is letting me know I probably need to chill.
I’ve been wearing flat shoes as much as I can (I’ve had two events where I’ve worn low heeled booties) and for four more days I forced myself to remain calm.
But, here’s the deal.
Being able to move (or in this case not being able to move) directly impacts my ability to handle my life.
While a 6-mile run or a 4-mile hike may not seem relaxing to most people, it’s how I work through my problems.
It forces me to pause mentally and it’s time where I disconnect from social media, from texts, from all the other crap and just…I don’t know how to exactly describe it…
I guess when I’m covering ground and moving…I find that I’m closer to who I am and who I want to be.
These last two weeks I’ve been less patient.
I’ve had trouble sleeping.
I’m eating like shit (truthfully though I blame that mostly on it being the season of Candy Corn and fun sweet treats) and I’m finding myself getting caught in a hamster wheel of negative thoughts.
You know what I mean.
Where you think about a conversation you had 3 months ago and how maybe you shouldn’t have said that one thing. Or you see a post on Facebook that makes you irritate when normally you would scroll by. Or you start finding yourself doing all sorts of lame passive-aggressive things when normally you’d say something or get over it.
I went for a walk today.
Just me and Sammi my German Shephard.
I kept it to 1.5 miles and took it slow.
I came back feeling marginally better, but still wishing I could have at least gone fast enough to break into a bit of a sweat.
I’ve been doing a lot of deep breathing and praying, and tomorrow I’m going to give some yoga a try.
I’m positive there is something I’m supposed to be learning from this, but right now I’m just a bit too grouchy to dive into that.
So, until I either heal or give up and go to the doctor and learn it’s way worse than I thought…
You’ll find me here, trying not to be a jerk.
Relearning how to be still.
Taking it slow.