Moody and Broody

Posted June 23, 2021 by Prairie Wife - 6 comments

Moody and broody.

That is definitely the best way to describe how I have felt the last few days.

Some of it is simply being tired after running my booty off with a more full than usual week of work, and a packed month before that of working solo on the radio show and trying to not let anyone at work down.

Some of it is all those the darn days of being out in 100 heat and the fact that our air conditioner isn’t working.

Moody and broody.

Our dog Sammi had a round of seizures again, and while this time thankfully she didn’t become violent…it has been several sleepless nights in a row taking care of her, and a lot of hard conversations about what’s best for her.

Several family members and loved ones are desperately hurting right now.

Their stories aren’t mine to share, but oh how it hurts to know that I can’t make things better.

Moody and broody.

And…I hate working in the Summer.

There I said it.

I love my radio job, I love the chance to connect with our community, and it has been fun as heck to work with my new co-host Drew.

But, I frickin’ hate leaving my kids to go work a job that is more about making me happy than it is about the need to pay bills.

Yes, I know it’s only “part-time,” but when you add that to my blog and other “part-time” work that comes with it, it’s a lot of hours every day spent away from the Cowkids or trying to squeeze in moments of productivity at home between driving back and forth to do all the Summertime things that I WANT to do.

The mom guilt piles on for all the time that I’m not doing all the good stuff…and while yes, I KNOW it could be worse…it’s a struggle for me right now.

Moody and broody.

When I first began to compose this post in my head, I titled it “What are you going to do about it?”

Because as I felt myself spiraling into the “I hate feeling like this” and “what the heck am I doing” thought hurricane that usually comes before the emotionally charged full-on crying breakdown…I knew it was up to ME to fix this.

Obviously, quitting my radio job and this blog is NOT the answer.

But, I know there are things I can do better.

I’ve been avoiding life and responsibilities by sticking my face in my phone to “just relax a few minutes” which turns into 30 minutes (or you know, an hour), and then shame for wasting time I don’t have…which leads to more avoidance behavior.

Just me that does this?

Cool…cool…cool.

So yesterday afternoon I took some time to form a plan.

I will go back to coming home from work, taking my phone, and leaving it in my bedroom where it’s not in my face and a constant distraction.

I’ve scheduled in time for exercise (and made the commitment to NOT skipping it) and I scheduled time with friends that are good for my soul.

As of yesterday, I went back to turning off the car radio so I could spend the 30-minute drive home in silence, working on relaxing breathing or simply praying.

And I took out my weave.

It sounds silly that this was part of my “avoid burnout plan” but hear me out.

I LOVE the way my hair looks more full with my weave in, but it DOES add up to more time in the shower and a lot more time to dry and style.

Making the choice to take it out and leave it out for the next month means I’ll have one less thing to mess with or worry about as I go swimming and camping.

One small thing that adds up to a few extra hours of time a week.

Who knows if all of these things will actually get me feeling less broody and moody and more joyful and calm?

But, based on past experience, and the fact that I’m already feeling better with less than 48 hours of this plan being put into action…I’m going to say it’s worth a try.

Categories: Life As It Happens, Prairie Life

Tags: , awareness, broody and moody, depression, mental health, positive attitude, simmer break, summertime