Mama Mantra: You Have to Talk About Sex and Drugs
Posted January 20, 2025 by Prairie Wife -
As a mother of 5 children, I learned a long time ago about having “hard conversations.” As a mother of 3 teenagers and 2 tweens, I want to add to that list of hard conversations that you HAVE to talk about sex and drugs.
Before we take a deep dive into the nitty gritty details of this post, I want to share two resources that can offer more support to parents of tweens and teens. Here is an excellent resource for those of you with sons, and here is one for those of you with daughters.
50% or more of parenting teenagers is being willing to be utterly mortified and embarrassed and putting up with eye rolls, uncomfortable and awkward silences, and “oh my gosh, mom ew no” as a response to questions.
In today’s world of easily accessible information, there is no guarantee that you will be the primary source of knowledge for your children.
If you don’t take the time to talk to them about your expectations when it comes to sex and drugs, they’re going to form their own ideas of what is right or wrong.
We begin talking to our kids in middle school about sex.
We give them a book about their growing and changing bodies in the summer between 5th and 6th grade. Here is the book we gave our sons, and this is what our daughters read. We have them read the book, and then they need to share three things they learned and ask us three questions. As you can imagine, this is incredibly awkward for the kids…they don’t want to talk out loud about anything to do with their changing bodies and certainly don’t want to ask questions about their bodies or sex. But it’s essential for them to learn that they CAN talk to us about it, and there isn’t anything we are afraid to talk about.
We also have them pick the parent they want to talk to about their bodies and dating. We let them know that the parent they choose will ask them questions, check in, and then share information (on a need-to-know basis) with the other parent. So far each Cowkid has picked the same sex parent as the one to talk to.
Some topics of conversation revolving around sex that we cover as our kids get older are:
Puberty and normal changes
How to take care of your body
Why we date people
Expectations for behavior when dating
How to ask someone on a date
How to say no when someone asks you on a date
How to say no when someone makes you uncomfortable
How to get out of an awkward/dangerous situation
Our family’s beliefs about premarital sex
Our family’s beliefs about pornography
Who are other trusted adults to talk to if they need help and don’t want to talk to us
For this article, when I refer to drugs, I am including alcohol.
We begin talking to our kids about drugs when they are very young.
Some of that, sadly, is out of necessity. Many of the new marijuana (and products containing CBD) products available could easily be mistaken for candy. We’ve explained to our Cowkids that they never take candy from anyone if it’s already open, and if they do, it has to be a name brand they recognize.
Another reason we begin talking to our children about drugs at an early age is that by the time our children are in middle school and high school, where they start to have peers who are using drugs, they are well-versed in our family’s beliefs.
We’ve talked about how drugs can change how your body works, including your brain and how it behaves, as well as the long-term, lasting effects of indulging in drugs over a long period.
We’ve talked about the difference between “safe” alcohol consumption and concerning behavior.
As our kids have gotten older, here are some conversations we have had about drugs:
What drugs look like and the effects they have on your brain and body
How to say no to drugs
What have they noticed about their peers who are using drugs
Warning signs that your friends are not okay
How to keep your friends safe if drugs are affecting them
Who are other trusted adults to talk to for help if they don’t want to talk to us
By this point, our high school-age kids have probably had all of the above conversations a dozen times! But at least half of those times, I’ve noticed that they shared valuable information and insights with us that I know will help keep them safe in the future.
Each time we have a conversation about sex and drugs, I see how it gets easier and easier for us to talk about it.
Because we have had so many conversations about sex and drugs, our children know that we are a safe place for support and help if they or someone they care about needs it.
I am under no illusion that our kids will always make the right choices as they get older and begin to lead their lives away from us. But I am hopeful that all of our hard conversations will lead to them being able to work through their choices with as few irreversible repercussions as possible.
Yes, it will be hard, yes, it will be awkward, yes, it will be uncomfortable…but you have to talk to your kids about sex and drugs.
Photographs Erin Potter Photography
Categories: Life As It Happens, Parenting
Tags: , drugs, hard conversations, parenting, parenting teenagers, sex, teenagers, tweens
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