They’re Not Going To Ask For Help

Posted February 11, 2025 by Prairie Wife - 4 comments

If someone is genuinely struggling, deep down in the depths of their soul struggling…chances are they’re not going to ask for help.

I understand that I can’t speak for everyone. But I CAN speak as someone who has had experience struggling with mental health issues.

Postpartum Depression with my 5th child.

PTSD and Survivor Guilt from a car accident I was in when I was 18.

Depression following my Preventive Mastectomy.

Seasonal Affective Disorder off and on for 30 years.

And more than once in my life, I have felt like the world would be better off without me.

We find ourselves saying it often, after we hear of the death of someone due to mental health and/or addiction issues.

“Why didn’t they as for help?”

“I had no idea things were that bad!”

“If I had only known, I would have done something.”

I will say it again, and this time in all caps, THEY ARE NOT GOING TO ASK FOR HELP.

That’s the problem with depression and addiction.

Half the time, when you’re in the midst of your suffering, you can’t see how bad it is.

And when you DO finally realize how bad things have gotten, you can no longer see a way out of the darkness.

You feel like changes should have been evident to the people around you (and they likely are, but they’re probably too scared to talk to you about it).

You feel like if they gave a damn, they already would have helped out!

Or your behavior has been so terrible that there isn’t anyone around anymore to help…and you know you can’t really blame them for walking away.

So, how do we know when those around us need help, and how can we help them?

Trust your instinct, ask, offer, and pray.

Trust Your Instinct: Somehow, over the years, we’ve learned to underestimate the power of our instinct. And not only is it a loss for us, it’s a loss for those around us. There has never once been a time when a random person crossed my mind and I didn’t learn some vital information about them within the next 24 hours. Whether it was them needing help or something amazingly wonderful that just happened to them…if someone crosses my mind, it’s for a reason. I now know that if someone crosses my mind, I need to stop what I’m doing and reach out to them. How many of you have looked at a friend’s car parked by the bar again on a Wednesday morning and ignored the gut feeling that you have that all is not well? What about that mom pulling up to school drop off 10 minutes late again wearing the same gross hoodie and sweatpants from the last three days? Maybe instead of talking ABOUT her you should talk TO her. Your coworker has been sitting at his desk starring off into space instead of tackling his latest projects. Instead of being mad maybe you need to find a time to send an email to check in with him.

Ask: Ask how they are doing. And when I say ask, I don’t mean ask, “Hey, how are you?” I mean, ask and then carefully think about their answer. Is it a short and sweet text when you usually get a novel back? Do they make eye contact with you when they answer, or are they trying to change the subject? If you already know what’s wrong, ask how you can help them…and then actually follow through and help them.

Offer: Sometimes, when you’re in the midst of grief, addiction, or a mental health crisis, you don’t know what you need. Having specific ways you can offer to help is incredibly useful. If someone has just had a baby, offer to drop a meal off or to come over and hold the baby while they shower. If someone has had surgery, see when the best time is to visit them and offer to drive them to their favorite coffee spot. If it’s the illness of a child, set up a meal train  (and a cooler outside for meal drop-offs so no one is going in and out of the house at inconvenient times). If it’s the death of a loved one see if they want company visiting their grave, or want to get out and do something fun, or sit in the car and cry while you eat ice cream. NOTE: Please remember that we need to help others in the ways they need help, not how we want to help. If they don’t want home-cooked meals and prefer cash for doordash, give them cash. If they don’t want you to come hold the new baby but would love you to clean while they sit and chat…clean their house.

Pray: Sometimes, even with the best intentions, your help will still be turned away. Ultimately, we are only responsible for our actions, and I have learned that you can do nothing to help someone who isn’t ready. Have the hard conversations so you can know in your heart you tried, and then hit your knees and give it to God. I believe in the power of prayer and that no prayer is wasted. So pray for those we cannot help.

They’re not going to ask for help.

But you can offer it anyway.

You can have the hard conversations.

You can try.

You can pray.

For those suffering from addiction or who love someone who is battling addiction, please click this link for help.

Suicide and Crisis Lifeline 

For support with Postpartum Depression, follow this link.

Photos AmandaJoPhotogrpahy

Categories: Health and Wellness, Life As It Happens, This and That

Tags: , ask for help, depression, help, mental health, mental health support, postpartum depression, suicide, support