Mama Mantra: It’s Not Just the Moms

Posted August 19, 2024 by Prairie Wife -

It’s not just the moms who struggle with their children growing older.

I think that because it’s more socially acceptable for women to be emotional when it comes to their children, we forget that significant transitions and changes impact the entire family.

When I began considering what to write for this post, I was initially thinking about The Cowboy.

The original post was going to be about our 20 years of marriage and how, of all the people in my life, he is the only person who truly understands the ups and downs of this last year…or really…the last 18 years of parenting.

The title was “Only You,” and I shared how, as much as I felt like no one was feeling the same unsettling mixture of joy and heartbreak over our son leaving for college, I know that HE does.

We both cried as we learned our son’s injury would cut short his Senior Football season.

We both held back tears as we watched him wrestle for the last time at state.

We both cried tears of pride when he learned he had received the Trustees Scholarship to the University of Wyoming.

And we both unashamedly cried on his graduation day.

Of all the people in the world who love Cowboy J, The Cowboy is the only one who loves him as deeply as I do.

But, as I was writing the post, I realized something…

I have way more support to work through the ups and downs of parenting, specifically the emotions that come with the big “getting older milestones” than The Cowboy does.

Walking.

Kindergarten.

First Sleepovers.

Middle School.

High School.

Dating.

Graduation.

Moving Out.

I’ve seen hundreds (if not thousands) of posts about moms sitting in their cars crying after dropping children off for school.

And I know that for every mom, a father was holding back tears as he snagged a never-long enough hug from their child as they rushed off for their first day of school.

For every mom scheduling Senior pictures with their child, there is a father who openly cries when they see the proof of time gone by.

Dozens of sweet friends and family members have contacted me over the last few weeks to see how I was doing with Cowboy J moving out for college.

They gave me space to cry and share my feelings. They cried with me. They shared wisdom from their own experiences. Those with younger children shared their trepidation and fear about the times ahead. I was sent funny videos about moms sobbing after they dropped off their children and heartfelt prayers and quotes.

The Cowboy didn’t have any of that support.

Knowing him, he would say that what he received from a few select family members and me was enough.

But was it?

Is it?

Have we created a healthy space for men to grieve their children growing older?

Is there enough support for those who are struggling or unsure how to work through these momentous milestones in a healthy way?

I don’t know the answer to that, but I hope that reading this post full of my musings is, in a way… its own support.

And while we are here in this space, talking about how these significant transitions aren’t just hard on moms, let’s talk about siblings.

Our family didn’t have a dry eye when we hugged Cowboy J goodbye this last weekend in Laramie.

And as Cowgirl G joked with he little brother, she said, “You can’t cry. You’ve only known him for 11 years. I’ve known him for 16.”

I knew that our entire family dynamic would change as we shifted to living together as a family of 6 rather than 7.

But, I think I underestimated how the change would impact all the other Cowkids…

It’s something we are going to have to work through together.

I’m thankful we have a family where seeing each other cry is not unusual. A family where the Cowkids know it’s okay to talk about the hard things and that even though we may not be able to fix this…we will 100% navigate it together.

The same goes for Cowboy J, who loves exploring campus and making new friends but will undoubtedly have some struggles as he continues on this journey to true adulthood and independence.

And maybe there is more than one answer to how we can help support families as they face all the ups and downs of living a life of grit and grace.

Here is your reminder…

To keep talking about things.

To share your experiences.

To ask questions.

To listen without judgment.

And give yourself space to learn and grow.

This is our first time doing this.

Even when it’s Little Miss H’s time to go off on her own, it will still be my first time learning to let HER go.

So give yourself grace, and keep moving forward with grit and determination.

NOTE: I understand that every family looks different. Not all families consist of a mother, father, and children. If your family looks different, I hope you can still appreciate my support. Also, I hope you understand that on this blog, I can only share my personal experiences while acknowledging that yours may be different. You are welcome to share your thoughts in the comments for others to see.

Family Pics: Erin Potter Photography

Cowgirl G and Cowboy J: Skyla Lee Photography

Categories: Life As It Happens, Parenting

Tags: , changes, college, high school, kids getting older, mama mantra, parenting, support, transitions