My New Reality

Posted August 31, 2015 by BonitaBlueEyes - 14 comments

Once in a while on PrairieWifeInHeels.com, “things” get real, and humor just isn’t appropriate. I’m going to share something today with you, our readers, and I am going to be totally open and honest…

I, BonitaBlueEyes, lived in a marriage for far too long that was not working. I did it because I’m a person that believes in keeping promises. I did it because I wanted a large, “perfect,” Catholic family. I did it because I’m optimistic and believe in looking for the best in people.

Out of respect for my ex (and our children), I’m not going to share all the details of why this separation took place.

I will share that early this summer, my life was utterly uprooted. For a month I lived in a haze of not being able to think beyond the 3 seconds in front of me. I had the pain in my chest that I’ve felt before when I’ve lost a loved one to death. Every morning I had to discern if it was all a nightmare or if, in fact, nothing would ever really be the same. I trudged through. I told myself I could do everything that needed to be done, even if I felt like doing nothing. I was mourning the loss of how I thought my life was supposed to go. I was mourning for my children and the effect this would have on them.

The fresh, early summer air with beautiful flowers in bloom around me was a stark contrast to the hovering gloom in my head and heart. I listened to advice from people who loved me, immersed myself in prayer, family and friends, music, books, exercise, sun and creativity. (All of my favorite things.) I also came to the conclusion that resisting any of my negative feelings only prolonged them. So, I let go. Shortly after, I came out feeling stronger than I ever have.

When it became time to share my new reality with others, fear overtook me. It wasn’t that I couldn’t handle the opposing opinions of others…I could and have. Yet, I stood frozen because I was afraid it would be revealed to me that some of the people I loved and admired, people that I counted among my friends, may not have been as loving as I thought they were. I was filled with apprehension. I simply couldn’t take anymore disillusionment.

Despite my hesitation, I forged ahead and began to share my news with those around me. I am happy to share that “coming out” with this shadow in my life, I have only experienced love and support. Not just from friends, but from absolutely everyone I’ve opened up to. What a blessing that I am surrounded by such a strong circle of support.

The irony is, I wouldn’t have known how truly loved I am if I hadn’t been willing to share my struggle. It made me vulnerable, bearing my soul to others, and it was terrifying. But now, I feel like I could really live through anything.

Thank you so much if you are reading this and leave a positive comment. Thank you if you had a conversation with me and provided the support I needed.

My dad wanted to know for his birthday that I was okay. Dad and Vicki, I’m more than okay, and I love and thank you for all that you have done.

If you want to hear any more of this story or if you feel that I can help you in your lives by sharing more details, please ask me questions in the comments below.

Have you been pleasantly surprised by the reactions of others to something difficult you’ve shared?

Copyright: amoklv / 123RF Stock Photo

Categories: Life As It Happens, Prairie Life

Tags: , change, divorce, fear, friendship, marriage, new reality, support