The Truth Is…I’m Not Really Adjusting.

Posted August 21, 2020 by Prairie Wife - 4 comments

All five of the Cowkids are in school.

It’s the first time I’ve been without a kid at home with me for over 14 years.

The truth is…I’m not really adjusting.

Don’t get me wrong, I went for a hike, had a coffee with a friend, and actually was able to really and truly binge-watch a show on Netflix…and indulged in some peace and quiet time being totally unproductive.

But I also had to use all my self-control to not cry as our oldest jumped out of the car to begin his Freshman year and our youngest sat at her table in Kindergarten not looking at us at all as we walked out the classroom door.

I kept it together until we reached the parking lot and then I bit my lip as tears streamed down my face until I was safely in the car.

Once I was sitting in the car I let all the emotions out and sobbed…while The Cowboy awkwardly sat there and offered a few gentle pats on the back and a hug or two.

10 minutes later I finally calmed down.

I knew this was coming.

I had, after all, been warned by the many parents that have come before me that this would happen.

That the kids would be growing up and it would be hard on my mama heart.

But until you’re in it, you can’t really understand…just like everything else in parenting.

Obviously this COVID situation has thrown a whole big tangled pile of emotions on top of all the normal things I was prepared for.

An extra layer of fear and “what if” that parents of the past haven’t had to worry about.

And I know this is what is keeping me from truly just diving into this new stage.

Part of me is terrified to embrace all this “free time” to set up a regular workout routine (for the first time ever) to schedule that time with friends and map out some new goals to slay…because I have no idea if this is going to last.

I might be writing a post in a month bemoaning the fact that my kids are back with me 24/7 getting homeschooled.

I know that’s what is making it so hard for me to adjust to this new stage of life.

I don’t feel like I can create a set plan or schedule for my family.

I totally admit that I embrace the security a well planned day (or week or month) gives me.

But here I am fighting against my natural need to organize our life, because in two weeks I fear it will all explode and I’ll be left feeling twice as frustrated.

So no, I’m not adjusting.

But I AM doing okay.

The Cowkids are ecstatic to be back in school and come home thrilled to tell me about their day.

They are not having any trouble adjusting.

This lets me know that sending them back to school was the right choice for our family.

The two oldest kids are both in sports and we have entered the time of life that is filled with juggling practice pickups and games all weekend long.

It means dinner at 7:30 at night so we can still eat as a family…so stay tuned for some healthy and quick school night meals headed your way!

And I am seriously excited to watch them play with their teams and cheer them on.

Who’d have thought I would happily be a sports mom? #HerderPride

The truth is…I’m not really adjusting, but I AM moving forward and working on embracing this new stage of motherhood.

I’m okay with being patient with myself, and I hope as you move forward this Fall doing what is best for your family, you remember to do the same.

Grit and grace.

Categories: Life As It Happens, Parenting

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