An Unexpected Few Weeks
Posted December 22, 2014 by Prairie Wife - 8 comments
I am the first to admit that I am super anal and regimented. I blame it on being a single mother of four kids (almost five) five days a week. After all, if I’m not on top of everything it can all fall apart and turn into utter chaos so quickly…and of course I’m the one left cleaning up the mess. Now, don’t get me wrong…I’m not constantly picking up toys, running after the Cowkids wiping noses, and always looking perfectly groomed and five minutes early for everything. But we DO follow a pretty solid schedule for waking up and bed/nap times and I have certain days for laundry and housecleaning. As for my blog I’ve got posts planned out at least a few weeks ahead of time and scheduled writing time and social media time several tomes a week.
I’ve done a pretty good job (if I do say so myself) keeping everything balanced and staying pleasant and cheerful despite all the stress of the Holidays and being full of twice the normal amount of Estrogen thanks to CowBaby5. But here’s the deal…I’ve learned you can only do it for so long before something happens and the balance is lost…no mater how you’ve tried to prevent it.
In the last 7 weeks the Cowkids have, between them all, had Strep nine times. We went on an amazing family vacation (more on that Wed) which while great, involves a lot of before and after work! Then we have all the extra school and social activities on top of our normal busyness. What tipped me over?
Well if I wrote this a week ago I would have talked about how I was exhausted and overwhelmed and started crying in the middle of mom group. Women that have been my friends for five years, known me through miscarriages and family death and have never seen my cry watched me break down…all over a couple extra heads of horses to feed in -31 degree weather. I felt broken and exhausted and had a good scream/cry at The Cowboy and moved on…and didn’t’ change a thing. I kept on doing it all and rushing around, and being everything I always was to everyone.
Then this last week the blog got some sort of bug, and it was all I could do not to turn into a swearing screaming computer throwing banshee. Over a stupid thing like that! I snapped at the kids, I was less than gracious to Ma and Pa who are here to visit, and I was tired and grouchy at The Cowboy because it was keeping me up at night. Thinking about all the readers that would get frustrated and not stop back…just when things were going SO WELL! Should I even bother typing any new posts? And what about our amazing Prairie Wife of the Week and her giveaway…how was she going to feel seeing no comments on her post…let down and frustrated I’m sure!
And then TallGirlJ had her baby. A beautiful healthy baby boy, so sweet and lovely, so perfectly made. As I held him the first time it reminded me that this was truly all that mattered. The simple joy of sitting, holding and loving him, and celebrating the joy of his birth with my friends and family.
At that moment my messy house, unwrapped gifts, and broken blog were pushed where they belong, at the bottom of the list. We went to church on Sunday and the Cowkids were washed and moderately well behaved, and I graciously took the compliments from sweet old people on our “beautiful family” without trying to explain that they normally aren’t like that. When Ma and The Cowboy told me I looked beautiful I smiled and said thank you instead of “What? In this old thing?” or some other self depreciating comment. This morning I wrapped gifts with each child and did a winter craft project with the Cowkids instead of getting this post typed and written right away. I have no idea what we are having for dinner…and I really don’t care.
During these unexpected few weeks I felt myself slipping and sliding into someone that I don’t want to be. An overwhelmed, grouchy, martyr mother (a mother who does things for others while being bitter and complaining about it). My focus and my heart were all off balance and besides making those nearest to me miserable, I wasn’t really enjoying being me so much either. Thanks to the birth of a baby boy I was saved (does this story sound familiar?) and reminded of what I already knew.
So this week I am doing what I can to get things done, but I’m not going to push it. This is my last few weeks to relax before school starts back up and then CowBaby5 will be born. I plan to enjoy Ma and Pa’s visit and The Cowboy being home a bit more, and not having to get everyone dressed and out of the house by 7:30.
I think we’ll all be much happier with fewer days spend vacuuming and more time spent snuggling on the couch.
Categories: Life As It Happens
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